C
O M M U N I T Y
U P
Constructive
Confrontation
Now
Five Steps Forward — Washington, D.C. therapist Mark Gorkin,
LICSW, author of the forthcoming Practice Safe Stress: Healing
and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression,
offers a five-step method for "constructive confrontation":
Use
an "I" statement, question, or observation: "I'm
concerned," "I'm confused," or "I'm frustrated"
are good ways to begin your exchange.
Describe
the problem specifically. Avoid judgmental accusations such
as "You never get your work in on time." Instead,
be specific: "I've asked you three times this week for
the status of the systems report and I haven't received the
report or any response. What's going on here?"
Explain
why you're upset. Talk about effects and expectations. For example:
"Because I didn't receive the report on time, I wasn't
able to present it at the meeting and we had to postpone making
a decision." That's the effect. The expectation: "We
really need the data. I want to meet tomorrow morning at 9 to
discuss where you are with the project."
Acknowledge
the other person and ask for input. Let the other person know
you have some understanding of what he's going through. For
example: "I know you're working on several important projects.
Tell me what's on your plate. Then we'll need to set priorities
and upgrade the importance of this project."
Listen
and let go. Once you've engaged in the first four steps, you
can be more objective and can let go of any existing anger,
hurt feelings, or questionable assumptions.
Submitted
by anonymous
